It is a good thing to let your inner self out to play. We tend to repress who we really are until we forget who were were and don't like who we've become. Although it can happen to everyone, it seems to me that women are more susceptible to societal pressures to conform.

Case in point - When I was in high school a speaker presented on careers in my college prep English class. He asked for a show of hands for those planning on going to college. All the hands went up. Then he asked for those in class who were planning on majoring in education or business. Half the class raised their hands (all the girls but 2). Then he asked how many were planning on going into science and engineering. Again half the class (all the boys and one girl) raised their hands. That left me as the only one not raising their hand. He pointed to me and asked, "What do you plan on majoring in?" I replied "Veterinary Medicine." I stated it in a rather matter of fact tone but the response was an incredulous, "Don't you know only men can be veterinarians?!" His attitude that I was some how intrinsically incapable of reaching my dream only made me more determined. I am not a veterinarian but that was my decision not his. I like being a veterinary technician. In the years between then and now I've met people who regretted not following their dream to work with animals. They listened to those naysayers and scaled back what they wanted and reduced their expectations of happiness. They became secretaries and waitresses and then mothers and now - well, now that their children are grown they find that they have an emptiness that no amount of shopping or soap operas can fill. They have become bored with scrapbooking and learning how to create DIY nail art. Yet they can't figure out what they want to do with all that free time. They look in the mirror and examine the face there and say, "That woman is not me." They are amnesiacs trying to recall that past life when they had dreams that could have been reality. And they can't.

I am so glad that I look in the mirror and smile at myself. I like me. Others like me too. It helps that I am free enough to be on the outside who I am on the inside!

Back before Thanksgiving I posted about a turtle I was making in ceramics. I had hoped to complete it before the Student-Faculty show but it didn't happen. Then I was trying to finish it before Christmas but refused to go in after the class ended and have to shell out big $$ just for studio time. Well I finally got it glazed and back from the kiln.

The body is glazed in Mamo Yellow with the shell in Turners Celedon. The leaves on the shell are a variety of glazes - Oribe is the pale green, Woods Blue is the brown and blue mottled leaves, Grass Green is the bright green color, Shaner Gold is the darker gold and a few are in Mamo Yellow. I'm pleased with the result. The only down side is that the shell is supposed to lift off and it is stuck. Of course sharp blows to the shell in strategic spots would no doubt  disengage it from the body. However I've seen that tactic go so very wrong on a couple of occasions.  Thus I'm too chicken to perform the required maneuver. It will just have to stay fused together. I am going to contact my cousin and see if she still wants it... if not it looks mighty nice on my shelf!

I'm coming up on my last birthday in my 50s. It doesn't bother me. In fact I wouldn't be discussing it if not for the repeated questioning I've been subjected to. "How does it feel to be nearly 60 years old?" I don't think (at least I hope) that the individuals were posing the question out of malice. Yet they were very insistent that I give their question due consideration and a serious answer. Some of them related how when their grandmothers turned 60 they dyed their hair or got tattoos or went skydiving. I assured them that I had no intentions of doing any of those things. They seemed concerned that I was going to suffer depression or thoughts of suicide. I was baffled. Why would they think that my 59th birthday was some sort of emotionally traumatizing event? After a little ponderment, I have come to the realization that I am the oldest employee in my department. Likewise I'm one of the longest employed (3 others have been there longer but they are all younger).

The staff seem to see me as some sort of ancient oracle. They want me to give them a glimpse of what it is like to be older, older than 40, older than 50 and definitely older than 60. I have surprised them - by listening to GreenDay, participating in a flash mob, going geocaching, along with wearing silly hats. Being unpredictable scares them and challenges their stereotyped idea of a woman in her late 50s heading into the sixth decade of life. I'm of the opinion that age is freeing. I don't have to compete. I'm not trying to gain social status or impress men. That allows me to ignore so many things and just be myself - even if that self likes to wear animal hats! I have a little surprise for them on Monday - I'm going to wear my retro hippy peasant mini dress with the wild pattern. I'll put on leggings and my leather boots. I might even do something different with my hair. (I have some hairspray!) Is it evil to mess with them this way?

I had to toss out a bra. It is always sad when a good bra finally gives up and you have to replace it. It is doubly so when a good bra goes bad. Bad, as in turns evil and hurts you. My throwing away the bra was a mercy killing. It was the same kind of situation as Old Yeller. A good and faithful bra had a dangerous and fatal condition. I thought something had gone wrong when I put it on in the morning. It just didn't feel right. So I adjusted the straps and got dressed. Midway through the day I started having a sharp pain in my ribs on the left side. It only happened when I took a deep breath. I put my hand to my ribs thinking I might be having some medical emergency only to discover that my underwire had broken in half. The wire was trying to poke its way into my chest cavity, no doubt in an effort to collapse a lung and skewer my heart. I was forced to retreat to the locker room and attempt to remove the wire. I couldn't get the wire out of the bra and I couldn't wear the bra with the broken (and sharp) wire. I had to go bra-less. I was wearing my scrub top and a scrub jacket and no one had any idea that I wasn't wearing my bra. Still I had that nervous feeling. The bra was stuffed into my purse and I transported it home. I don't know what I was thinking but I attempted to fix the bra. Sadly there was no cure. With a few choice words, I deposited the bra into the trash basket under the bathroom sink.

I went shopping for a replacement. I am a little picky. I hate lace. I don't like seams. I'm sensitive to metal (it makes me itch). I went to Meijer. They had the brand but not the style. I examined every display and all the sale bras but couldn't find a worthy replacement. I tried Target. No luck. K-Mart was a complete bust. (hehe) Anyway I ended up at the mall. Penney's had a comparable bra but it only came in either hot pink, bright red or neon blue and was priced at $47.00. Now I adore a good bra but I'm not paying that much. I just can't. Sears had some on sale but not the kind I wanted. There were some other stores - Victoria's Secret and Macy's which made the prices at Penney's look reasonable. And a couple others that carried what I'd consider novelty bras. Not happening. So I made a special trip to Kohl's to see if I could find a replacement at a reasonable price. I looked and found one very similar to the one I'd tossed but the price on sale was $40. Needless to say I was disappointed. I was carrying around the expensive bra when I stumbled upon the clearance bra rack! Every bra was priced at $14.50. I was excited. I had to look at hundreds well maybe just a hundred, of bras in some wild colors and odd sizes but I found it! It isn't white but then again beige isn't really a weird color. Snatching the beige bra off the rack I held onto it as if it were a wild animal trying to escape. It was a really wonderful find and the original price of $60 made it just that much more special. I am no longer bra-less!

I need to thin my coat collection. There are just too many coats in the closet. It is going to be hard to get rid of any of them. I have 3 coats that I haven't worn in a long time: my Grandma Tena's grey suede cape with a long wool lining, my black Persian lamb jacket which is my only legitimate fur coat that I bought at a resale shop, and a black goat skin fur cape that was again my Grandma Tena's. I've kept them mostly for nostalgia.

I have never worn the grey suede cape - it is so very 1960s that I need a mini-skirt and a pair of white patent leather go-go boots to go with it. It is just so like my Grandma that I can't bear to part with it.

The goat cape is a novelty. It has seen better days and the fur has rubbed off along some of the edges but it looks interesting. In fact it is very Bohemian. I keep thinking I'll wear it but then the weather gets too cold. It is not a warm cape so the window of opportunity to wear it is quite narrow.

The Persian Lamb jacket is warm but much too elegant for causal wear. I think the last time I wore it was New Years Eve 2015. It has tiny hooks as closures that don't like to stay clasped. It requires you to clutch the front closed as if you are in the midst of a heart attack. Still it is a nice fur jacket... I know as soon as I let go of these capes and jackets I'll wish I had them. I guess it will be easier to get rid of the variety of raincoats with the disintegrating rubber linings!

This Christmas I received the most useful and amusing gift. Crystal gave me the 2017 Cow Calendar form Chick-fil-a. I needed a calendar and I bought one for my computer room. However the cow calendar made me laugh so I took it to work and have it in my office. (Because I need to be able to laugh at work.)

Sparky had to get some antihistamines. Whenever he isn't feeling well, his main go-to is Chicken Noodle Soup. Luckly for him the free item for January was either Chicken Noodle or Chicken Tortilla Soup according to my Cow Calendar. Stopping to get lunch I suggested he could have my soup. He was very happy. Put instead of the noodle he opted for the Chicken Tortilla Soup.

He devoured the soup in no time! He said he felt better and the soup was delicious. We both ate and the total came to $3.37! Woot! Thanks Crystal!! Anyway the cows in the photos are too funny. I had a good chuckle at the January photo of 3 cows riding stationary bikes. I've felt like the one cow - tongue hanging out, slumped over the handle bars, looking exhausted! The little caption reads, "The bikes may be stationary; the bovines are anything but. They're hoofin' it through this high-intensity workout because endurance is the key to spreading their Eat Mor Chikin message farther than ever before. Plus when their steaks are at stake, it doesn't hurt to be the speediest Salisbury on the block."

The Color Stampede is the picture in April - just too funny. Anyway this has to be one of the best gifts! Not only am I completely tickled, but I get free food and I think of Crystal every time I'm looking at the calendar!

One of my goals for this year was to straighten the closets and purge all the items we don't use/wear/want. I made my first pass tackling the shelves in the hall closet. We have two shelves above the clothes rod which hold all our hats, scarves, and gloves. A long time ago I placed some bins on the shelves with everyone's name on them. The intention was to keep the boys' mittens and hats contained and possibly to prevent the wandering of lone gloves. They have since moved out and Sparky and I now have 4 bins each. His are on the top shelf and mine on the lower one. I pulled all the bins down and dumped them. I discovered that I had one bin full of scarves that weren't mine! After a careful sorting, I was able to put all my things in 4 bins and the same for Sparky's stuff. I discovered he has 3 gloves, all left hands, without matches. I also discovered he has 5 intact pairs! He had been moaning before Christmas that he didn't have any gloves. Problem solved. With all the organizing, I discovered that I have only one item that needs to be put aside for the rummage sale - a red bandanna that Sparky got as a door prize at a Geocaching Event.

My next job to tackle will be weeding out the coats in the same closet. I love coats almost as much as hats and jackets. Thankfully they take up so much space that I'm limited in the number I've collected...

As part of a morale boosting exercise, I've been tasked with putting together a trivia contest. The categories have been determined and question parameters set. Namely that 80% of the questions need to be easy and 20% difficult. The categories are:

1. Animal Names in Movies and TV Shows
2. Dog Breeds
3. NCAA Mascots
4. License Plates
5. AALAS Knowledge
6. ABC's of Animals
7. Houses in TV Shows and Movies
8. Medical Instruments
9. Famous Cats
10. Name that Drink

Luckily I only need to come up with 10 questions per category. Fortunately I only have to do categories 1, 2, 5, 6, 8, and 9. I'd like to say I'm almost done but that would be overstating the facts. Which brings me to the ulterior motive for posting about this contest. I need your input. All my readers are smart and brimming with interesting information. Thus I'm asking you to help me out by providing me with any questions (and answers just in case I'm not smart enough to figure out the correct answer)...Pretty please? My brain has developed a block and I just can't come up with any good questions! Once I'm done with the contest I'm thinking I should let you all try to answer the questions. Do you want to play trivia??

There is a burden that accompanies the requirement to keep a secret. As a holder of secrets most of the time it is an easy thing. I just don't talk about it. Other times it weighs on my heart. Especially when the secret means withholding information that would benefit another in making better decisions, avoiding conflict, or puts me in an ethical conundrum. It is kind of what a Priest must feel after hearing a confession regarding a heinous crime. They are bound by the inviolable rules of the confessional and at the same time they must feel the pull to inform the authorities. A tough spot to be in. I have been told so many secrets that my head just might explode. I'm hoping that some of the secrets are revealed in time and my gag order is lifted...

Push the cork in tight
Hold back speech with all your might
Lock the vault day and night
Secrets hidden away from light
Tempted your tongue you bite
Hold truth out of sight
The secret keepers plight

Keeping secrets is stressful. Sigh. I wish I didn't have so many to keep. And yet it is nice to know that so much trust has been given to me...

An Inaugural Poem

The sky weeps on this sad day
Tears roll down driver’s side window
Water soaked brakes keen in traffic
Mourning the demise of decorum
The cremation of civility
The burial of bipartisanship
We are now contentious relatives
Contesting the last will and testament
Of democracy recently deceased

So sorry that I'm being a little melodramatic. I know it isn't the end of the world or the end of democracy. It isn't even going to change how I live. However it is the end of many things. And the beginning of other things. I see so many parallels between what is happening nationally and what is going on in the microcosm of my life that I am - saddened. I read vitriol on Facebook. I see comments on my 84 year old mother's Facebook page and wonder how her friends of many years have come to the point where they can't agree to disagree and still remain friends. I rarely respond but I shared a photo that was on my feed that I felt was appropriate to her situation. The photo was simply this text:

"Some of the most incredible people I know voted for Donald Trump, and some of the most incredible people I know voted for Hillary Clinton. The people that I know who voted for Trump are not racist, misogynistic, or hateful and the people who voted for Hillary Clinton are not hateful and intolerable. If you are someone who woke up this morning and is going to start seeing people as who they voted for, and not as the person you have always known them to be, then you are is what is wrong with America. I will never think any less of any person who has different views than me, because some of the most beautiful and inspirational people I know will disagree with what I believe all day long, but at the end of the day they are still that beautiful inspirational person I've always known them as. Don't think less of people because some of their beliefs don't align with yours, and don't lose quality people in your life because you choose hate over love."

Unfortunately some people read it and thought I was defending the Trump supporters and others condemned me because they thought I was a Clinton supporter. No matter how I voted the point is that we need to remain civil to each other. Name calling and belligerence never makes a bad situation better. We need to bring back the love. You know the kind - "love your enemy" and "love your neighbor as yourself". It doesn't say love only the neighbors who voted the same way you did. Neither does it say that loving your enemy will turn you against your friends. I could go on but I hope I've made my point. I love you all no matter your ideology. I can't control the decisions of others but I control my own - and I have decided on love.