March 23, 2017
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Looking at the Scissors
Don’t call me petulant. I have every reason to be unhappy. It isn’t a choice to shave or not to shave my head. To be bald or not to be bald. It is a luxury I can’t afford. Celebrities wear sunglasses to disguise themselves. I wear them to disguise the eyes of the people staring at me with my bald head. No one wants to ask and I don’t want to tell all the minutia and trivia connected with chemotherapy. To be or not to be, that is the question. I’m fighting to be. I want to stay on the ground. The stratosphere of heaven doesn’t yet appeal to me. I stare into the mirror watching my iris shrink as my pupil grows. I hold that lock of hair tightly and ferociously saw at it with the scissors. It isn’t out of spite that I cut off my own hair. I will cherish it. It will be saved. Curled and cozy. I will save it. It will save me.
This is a prose poem for the Winter Scavenger Hunt 2017 using several prompts - #17 - Use the words: trivia, sunglasses, stratosphere, petulant, #18 - Discuss shaving your head, #19 - Include a quote from Shakespeare’s play “Hamlet”, #21 - Use the words: cozy, lock, spite, iris. Prose poems combine poetic elements with the appearance of prose. It often contains traces of metrical structure or verse.
No, I don't have cancer. I do however know people who have had or currently are battling cancer. The side effects of chemotherapy are often very unpleasant. Patients deal with nausea, aches and pains, loss of appetite, and a myriad of other unpleasant consequences. The most psychologically devastating for many women is the loss of their hair. Some cope with wigs or scarves. Others wear hats. And a few brave women walk tall with bald heads.
Comments (12)
I love your prose poem. In an amazing coincidence, I finally got a haircut today.
Hehe~ So did you save a hunk of it? I had a dream you went to the beauty shop and got your hair colored but it wasn't red - it was a honey blonde!
Cancer is such a terrible thing! My hair is getting thin in back. I blame it on the coumadin I have to take, and not on old age. I've threatened to start wearing a prayer cap like the Mennonites.
Speaking of saving hair, I found a large envelope filled with smaller envelopes of my mother's hair, starting with when she was a little girl, and ending just recently. There was even an envelope with her mother's hair in it. It wasn't as red as I remember it being. All 13 kids in my grandmother's family had red hair of various hues. My grandma's was more auburn. She died of cancer when she was 65, and I was 18. That was before chemo and radiation was common. She died 6 mo's after it was discovered, but she still had all her hair.
Cancer treatment has come a long way even in my lifetime. I am hoping that there will be a cure before I die. My great grandmother kept a lock of my grandmother's hair in her wallet. When she died I got her wallet and discovered the hair. It was kind of creepy at least that was my opinion as an 8 yr old. Now I understand. I have a container with my sons' teeth...
I'm so used to my long hair, that even though it's a bother sometimes, I think if I did go bald, I would look into a wig. I don't consider myself vain, and perhaps I would be more distracted with getting well and not care, but for now I know I feel vulnerable and practically naked if I cut my hair. Even up to my shoulders. Besides, I have a scar and an odd lump under my hairline in the back from a fall needing stitches when I was young.
Yes we all feel naked without our hair. Just imagine the heartbreak of having all your hair fall out in big clumps. It wouldn't be a choice of cutting it. I think that is why the women who forego the wigs are so very brave...
This post gives me pause. My hair is a lovely white, I say grey daughter says "mom it is white". I was fortunate as it got there I was always complimented on my frosted look. But sometimes I would love to either color or perm and then I read this. Shame on me, be thankful! Thanks for making me think.
Glad I could cause a reaction! Sometimes we are self critical to the point of losing perspective... I have never colored my hair and even though I'm going gray/silver/white, I kind of like my "Bride of Frankenstein" look!
@BLB: Two of my grand-daughters once had an argument in my presence. One said that Grandma's hair was gray. The other insisted that it was silver. Guess which answer I preferred.
Oh hey I never thought of silver. I like that better than white. lol
Nice! I enjoyed the comments too. I'm glad to have maybe inherited the same hair genes as Aunt Damaris Magnolia Hawkins aka "Macy" who only had a few silver hairs in her long dark hair when she died in her 80's and from Great grandmother Mary Ann Walsh Evans who gave us the bright red hair which is the last hair color to fade...becomes gradually lighter each year. And instead of turning gray or white it becomes sorta strawberry blonde.
I'm looking more like Grandma Marceil with the white stripes at my temples... No strawberry blonde here - maybe because I missed out on the blue/gray/green eyes.
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