December 30, 2016

• Watching a Kleptomaniac Emerge

  Before I married Sparky he had some habits that I found disconcerting. I think he found it amusing to make the store security people follow him around the store - K-Mart especially. The first time I witnessed it, I was mortified! He was shopping for socks and some other items. I had grabbed a cart and was filling it with my few purchases. He refused to put his stuff in my cart and instead put them in his coat pockets. Of course I said something to the effect of "Don't put stuff in your pockets! The security guards are going to arrest you!" His response was to laugh and assure me that he had every intention of emptying his pockets at the checkout. I didn't approve and I let him know that.

  Fast forward 10 years and we were married and had children. He had not pulled the "put it in your pocket" stunt for a long time. Son#1 was old enough to want things and to be told no. He decided he wanted something badly and took it and put it in his pocket (I think it was a pack of gum). It was a teachable moment and I think the turning point for Sparky to give up his habit of putting things in his pockets instead of using a shopping cart or basket. You know, setting a good example for the boys and such.

  So the point of all of this is that we attended a very swanky Christmas party put on by the university. In the course of going through the buffet line, Sparky put some silverware in his pocket. He wasn't planning on stealing it. He just wanted an extra hand to juggle his two plates and drink. This event was Dec. 15th. On December 24th he discovered the pilfered silverware in his coat pocket (wore the dress coat to the party and then didn't put it on again until Christmas Eve Mass). He was overcome with guilt and remorse. He wanted to know if there was an amnesty program where he could return the stolen goods - no questions asked. Sadly I had to inform him that it didn't work that way. So I am now in possession of some "hot" forks. I will take them to work in the new year and put them in my lunch bin. The next time we have a university catered event I'll slip them onto the table and let the catering staff gather them up. No one will be the wiser.

  I thought after all these years he had reformed! Sheesh!

  • 6:35 am
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