December 20, 2016

  • Looking at the Long Good-bye

    I don't know what is better - the sudden unexpected end or the slow, agonizing waiting for the eventual demise. The quick way prevents any anxiety and distress from building while waiting. For those left behind, the shock and surprise can be overwhelming. They have to search for closure. Often there is guilt because if they had known they would have done things differently, said things, reconciled and found closure and peace. When the end is protracted, there is the opportunity to grieve ahead of time, to make peace with the dying and death, things can be planned and promises kept. It is not just the final good-bye. We say farewell throughout our lives. From that first flush of the toilet to putting away the dolls and childish toys. We bid adieu to homes and cities, schools and friends, and parents and jobs. We are in a constant state of change that requires letting go.

    Some people can't let go. They are hoarders that are unable to say good-bye to yesterday's newspaper, the empty cereal box or that pair of unwearable shoes. You would think that by the time we are adults that we'd become professionals at saying good-bye. Still we hold on tightly while karma or fate or luck grabs hold of something and rips it from our grasp. Often we tenaciously hang on only to delay the inevitable. I am currently watching a long good-bye. It is heartbreaking to see the struggle to accept the future, to make bargains, to vow retribution, to plan for the end, and even to try to wrestle away that which is being taken. And the plea to aid in the fight to keep what is being removed must by decree fall on my deaf ears. It has been written. There is no recourse. In the words of the Borg, "Resistance is futile."

Comments (15)

  • Both forms of demise suck in their own way. It is horrible when someone passes unexpectedly and you look back on the last thing you said to them and aren't pleased..or feel they will resent you for it from the afterlife. When you know someone is passing , you agonize over every minute, trying to make the best of it for them, and nothing is ever enough. I have a tattoo on my thight that says "Death is the starlit strip between the companionship of yesterday and the reunion of tomorrow." I am not quite sure what sparked this post,but I have you are ok. I'm here if you need anything. =/

  • Long goodbyes are a form of torture, both for the departing and the ones left behind.

    • Absolutely. The ax falls and heads roll or sometimes it just takes a long time to saw off parts. Sounds ghastly doesn't it... and it has become most uncomfortable.

  • All of LA is captivated by a tree that fell on a wedding party last weekend as they took pictures -- I think each is its own type of torture!

  • Good byes are always sad.

    • I think death is only a farewell and I'll see you later. There are some things worse than death and in ways more final. We can "die" many little deaths when there are losses - honor, passion, truth, integrity, faith, respect, love, compassion, sympathy, hope.... the list seems endless.

  • As you know, I said goodbye to my husband and to my mother in the last couple of years. Tom's was sudden. Mother's was longer. I'm still trying to go through their possessions and say goodbye to their things. Mother's photos are the hardest of all. So many pics of relatives that I never knew, but I hate to throw them away.

    • The letting go should not be rushed. Take your time. Perhaps those photos that are unknown to you might be recognizable to other relatives. Some historical societies accept older photos especially if they represent fashion, architecture, transportation, or social activities...

  • @slmret: A few years ago, a tree fell on a young couple in our little town. The girl died, the fellow survived, but is paralyzed from the neck down. So sad.

  • @ata_grandma: This tree fell because of a combination of the drought, 2 inches of rain the day before, and 2 days of very strong winds. The bride's mother died, and a child is seriously injured with a concussion. The park is closed until they check out all the trees.

  • My friend is watching and waiting for the cancer to claim her husband, has to be at least 2 yrs. I guess you could say Wil and I and daughter were fortunate when son died that it was sudden. We last saw him on Christmas day and the first thing I began to wonder had I told him I loved him when he left here? I can remember telling him to drive safe.

    • I'm so sorry your son was taken to heaven so suddenly. No matter how long ago or how fast or slow the loss remains.

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment