November 14, 2016

  • Looking Back

    Yesterday was my father's birthday. He would have been 84 years old. He's been gone eight years and yet it seems like just yesterday. There is so much dysfunction in so many people's lives that it makes me appreciate the complete normalcy of my childhood, my parents, and my adult life. I was never abused. I was never neglected. Instead I was nurtured and cherished and brought up to believe I could be anything and everything. My parents never told me that I was incapable of achieving any goal. They never put limitations on my dreams. So I look back at the lives of my parents and especially my father. He grew up in the throes of the Great Depression. He refused to eat cottage cheese to the day he died due to having to eat so much of it as a small child (it is a cheap source of protein). He and his twin sister were the only children my grandmother ever had. She did her best to raise them in unstable times with an unstable marriage that eventually disintegrated. She remarried when my dad was 10 years old. He served as the best man. He reprized his role when my grandfather (his step-father) remarried in his late 70s. That tumultuous childhood had one thread running through it - he was always loved. His mother and step-father loved him. He had extended family and all the kids were valued. I know that it is never about the material things to determine success in life. Yet I see so many people stuck on the idea that to love their children they must provide things and more things. My father provided me with what I needed - food, shelter, clothing. And in addition to those material comforts I always knew I was safe. If my dad was there, everything would be alright. I knew that he would defend and protect me against all the dangers of the world. Now he's gone. But he gave me the foundation to be safe, to be loved, to be worthy. I hope I have been able to give my sons the same necessities in life - self confidence, self esteem, self reliance, and the knowledge that they are loved unconditionally. I look back and smile. I do not cry over his death. He's still with me.

    Twins

Comments (8)

  • Val, this is a lovely tribute! You are fortunate to have had such a father, who had such strong values and led his family well.

    • The more I'm on social media, the more I appreciate my family! Seems everyone is estranged or bitter or hurt beyond healing.

  • Happy birthday to your dad. We are glad he was born, and in turn had you. I'm glad you have such fond memories.

    • I called my mom and she said she had been thinking about him all day too. My sisters had him on their minds too.

  • My dad lived to be 92. I miss him and look forward to seeing him again. You probably know my mother just died. She was 99. I too had a safe, secure childhood, even though my parents divorced when I was 10. My mother's mother lived with us, and provided a lot of love and stability, and amazing lemon meringue pies.

  • Yes! Love this beautiful post dear one! Your father was always so VERY proud of all you girls and loved us all with all his heart. I miss him still but "talk" to him often giving him the latest news just in case he CAN really hear and is near.... who knows? It's always been good therapy for me these last 8 years.

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