September 16, 2016

• Looking Defeated

  As she told her mother that she was in the hospital and relayed an abbreviated account of her illness, she could hear her mother make soft sounds ranging from worry to panic. She imagined the look on her face and the frantic motioning to her father to come to the phone. Before finishing her account, her mother and father were both on the phone asking questions simultaneously and not waiting for answers. Her parents were not good with emergencies. She managed to tell them where she was and what to bring to the hospital. She lied that her call time was up just to get off the phone. She hung up midway through the third round of “good-byes and love yous”. She had uncorked the bottle and the parental genie had escaped. As she reclined in the bed, her mind was reeling with all the possible scenarios attached to her parents’ arrival. She gave herself a pep talk saying that calling them was not admitting defeat. She would have to try not to slip into the old patterns of childhood. She had to remind herself that she was an adult. She had to set boundaries and demand that her voice be heard. That was one of the reasons she had moved so far away. Her therapist had suggested that she needed to break the behavior ruts and put physical distance between them and herself. Taking the job was an easy way to do that without hurting anyone’s feelings. Dr. Hawk understood. His parents lived on the other side of the world. He mentioned that he liked it that way.

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